Date: 11 Jun 2013 02:00 Title: Chapter 4
This is a great chapter, and I want to talk about the technical aspects of it first.
You have a great deal of expository information to get across, and you do so effortlessly. I often see writers doing a data dump and it doesn't quite work. But here, it does, as the reader is buffeted from Ianto and his information, to Jasto and what's really happening behind his eyes with Haebron, and then to Astrid and back again.
I don't really know DS9 and I don't follow it much but I do know the Trill, and they are an interesting idea but I feel you've hit upon something that was missing from canon Trek - the fact that, amidst all of those voices and individuals and souls and memories, there were/are bound to be some that aren't so nice and neat and, well, sane.
Every time the reader feels that the explanation is going along just fine, Haebron hollers again, and that jarringly pulls you into what is happening with Jasto. Jasto is, potentially, going to be an addict and a basket case, even more than he is, and in short order.
And what of Astrid? Was she raped by Haebron? It seems plausible.
Ianto feels like what B4 in Nemesis, maybe, became. Is he?
Date: 08 Dec 2009 15:19 Title: Chapter 4
Oh and it just becomes even more facinating! Never mind the whole data class androids and Data as a leading figure of the Resistence! Really awesome development - and yes Data is likely to looked into creating new androids so it seems a perfectly natural development, course of events.
But the Dax character is the most thrilling new element. To pull on the memories of Jadzia and Ezri not to mention the other hosts gives a great story telling device to be explored and allow for glimpses into the past. Rivetting. But add to that the twist of Haebron's 'presence' in Ianto [a Torchwood reference?] only prpels the interest factor into the stratosphere. I had played with the idea of a Trill character compromised in some manner by a previous host but instead I went the route of a Vulcan compromised but I can tell that you've suceeded in pulling it off and creating a highly complex and intriguing character with many pitfalls and dark secrets to contend with. Absolutely thrilling. And I love the fact that you are exploring the shared mind aspect of the Trill its an aspect that interests me but I know it is hard to convey. And this is a masterful introduction to a highly complicated character. Terrific.
Author's Response: Wow! Thanks so much fot this review! I loved the idea of these two characters acting as a 'tunnel' back to the time we know and love, and Data as a leader of the Resistance was too good to "resist" (excuse the unintentional pun). I also wanted to have this conflicted Trill character, something I had always found fascinating. Part of the origin goes back to the Lives of Dax stories, where one of the hosts (I forget which) talks about hearing the voice of the former host. I was a bit worried about him, and am so glad that you found him as complex and intriguing as I had hoped. And yes, Ianto (who is actually the android and not the Trill! :)) is a Torchwood reference. I was watching Children of the Earth around the time I was writing this! :)
Date: 05 Sep 2009 14:50 Title: Chapter 4
Tremendous chapter. I'm already attached to both of these characters, and I've only just met them.
It sounds as though Haebron was not only subjected to some horrific trauma, but he may have inflicted it on others as well. The scene between Dax and Williams in the turbolift was excruciatingly awkward, and I can only imagine how a real sit-down conversation between these two might go.
As for Ianto, he's charming in an unconventionally android sort of way, and he's clearly no mere copy of his 'father.' Oh, and I love the name... any Captain Harkness' in the new Starfleet? 