[Report This]Date: 07 Jul 2020 16:53 Title: My Everything
I got a chuckle out of this one. It looks like a response to a writing challenge - but you kept it in the mileau you were already writing in. It's always a challenge to write outside of your usual style - in this case using 1st person instead of 3rd. Most of the time I see writers do that, they slip out of it. No such problems here.
Thanks!! rbs
Author's Response: Yeah, this was definitely an interesting experiment for me. I really quite enjoyed writing from a first person perspective and I always kinda wanted to try my hand at this again. Never materialized. Probably because of the inherent limitations of the format.
Date: 07 Sep 2013 19:46 Title: My Everything
I read this some time ago, and read it again recently. It's a short piece, but punchy, and I really do like how sweet Dee was at the end there. I don't know her terribly well, but that one act definitely elevates her in my opinions by a quite considerable margin, and Nathan's crush might seem kind of boyish and silly, but still sincere and sweet. I like how there is definite tell of an after at the end, even if it's left to the reader to decide if it's real or not. Well done!
Author's Response: Thanks. I do like to think that Deen's act at the end, sums up her character quite nicely. She's got a big heart, that one.
Date: 15 Aug 2013 17:03 Title: My Everything
Ouch!
Well, I won't spoil it for others with a recap.
I am finding, as I am reading more and more of your work (and loving 100% of it, I might add), is that you love surprise twisty endings. Are you, perchance, a fan of The Twilight Zone? Your writing's got a lot in common with it.
Very well done. And I am beginning to expect that from you, too.
Author's Response: I do like myself a little twist ending, when I can make them believable. Many thanks for the kind works, really glad you enjoyed this as well as my other work.
Date: 21 Jul 2013 19:37 Title: My Everything
That was an enjoyable short redshirt POV story, you give him friends and feeling, so he hit the high point just as the enemy killed him.
Nice touch by Dee to comfort the fallen redshirt.
Date: 12 May 2009 05:27 Title: My Everything
Wow...I was completely not expecting THAT form of redshirt death--and to see it from the view of someone who's being controlled yet not able to stop themselves...very chilling.
I admit, as I think you've probably heard before, that I do not relate to Deen all that well. That said, I think the end was very touching, how she comforted him in death.
Date: 07 May 2009 17:45 Title: My Everything
That was awesome CeJay. I really loved it. You often remark how you like stories from the lower decks and you gave a wonderful little insight into it. The crewman in question had a wonderful reaction to Deen. It was comical to read and added warmth to the story, almost letting one forget the ominious opener.
Nicely paced and written. I was hooked in, awaiting the intruder's appearance and then came the ending as it was. That was shocking. Nicely played and written in the first person too.
Excellent story and a great entrant to the challenge to boot.
Date: 06 May 2009 05:23 Title: My Everything
Nice first person take on this story challenge. That was a strange fracas that erupted in the cargo bay, but at least Nathan had the wherewithal to overcome the telepathic trickery of their enemy.
Nice of Deen too, to send the kid on his way to the afterlife with the kiss he'd yearned for.
Date: 05 May 2009 13:26 Title: My Everything
Oh..and the POV angle was cool. I don't think i could ever pull that off as good as you did. Cool read!
Rob
Date: 05 May 2009 13:26 Title: My Everything
Again, I'm with SL on this. You really paced it well and held your hand and played it just right there near the end. Great ability, to be able to do that...Bravo Zulu!!! I like these kinds of stories because they stay with you longer; impact I guess.
Rob
Date: 05 May 2009 00:53 Title: My Everything
Fascinating stuff; I didn't see that twist coming until it did! Tragic ending, but not quite as tragic as it could have been. Nice work!